As many of you know (very) well, I turn 18 in little over a month, and I have seen many bloggers and youtubers do variations of "18 things I've done in 18 years". So I'm going to be pretty unoriginal and do my own version of this!
A big thing I've realised recently is that i can be pretty selfish, and I hate it about myself quite honestly. I'm really trying to change this but it's going to be something to work at properly and not half-heartedly.
I am incredibly insecure about myself. Not as much in my appearance (sorry if that makes me sound vain) but in the sense of friendship and also romantic interests(that sounds weird haha!). I've always felt like a second choice to people and like I'm not good enough for a friend or crush. My confidence has also been knocked quite a few times in recent years, and I've doubted my friends opinions on me as well as others in my life, because I always feel like i'm bothering them.
I'm scared of failure, which is probably very common, but when i feel like i'm going to fail at something, it stops me from doing it. This is very commonly seen in my school work as well as looking for a job. I freeze up and just bury the thoughts until i burst into an emotional wreck. I think that year 13 is going to be immensely difficult for me , because of the fear, and I am already dreading it.
My life is honestly a mess! My room, school bag, folders, Laptop and brain are constantly messy, however many times I tidy, within an hour, they're messy again!
Which moves me onto the next point, I am incredibly emotional and I will be seen crying probably once a week and normally more than that. It could be over anything, happy, sad, angry, hurt. scared. Movies make me cry a lot, as well as books and TV/Youtube, whilst Planet Earth 2 was on, i actually cried over the Sloth that swam which made my dad laugh a lot! I also love a big gesture, telling friends how much they mean to me, complimenting my crush(this also sounds strange), just to let them know that they are important to me. my emotions need to be dealt with a lot and I'm sorry for those who have had to deal with emotional Milly more than once. This has made me very loyal (Georgia would be proud ;)) to friends, family, celebs and even characters( I'm incredibly sad i know).
At this point in my life, I don't care what people think of my appearance, and passions, which may sound weird especially after saying that I'm incredibly insecure, but I dress for myself and wear what I like, and not to impress others. I also LOVE my hair short and my eye makeup bold and gold! I love rugby, Netflix and youtube and won't shut up about it ever! My celebrity crush list is embarrassingly long but I'll rock it!
When I get crushes, I fall (not in love, but feelings) HARD! It can annoy me just because I normally make a fool of myself and it ends up going terribly, or I get friend zoned! I think i've got a lot better but there's definitely room for improvement.
My Spotify playlist is mainly musicals and very cheesy pop music and I am okay with that. Especially with my recent additions of Mamma Mia 2 ( can we just take a moment to appreciate that film!?) and Dreamgirls! I have been very fortunate in my upbringing which has allowed me to do things that i enjoy and I am extremely grateful for my parents and the support network they've given me both financially and emotionally.
I don't know what i want to do in the future professionally, which scares me slightly, but I have a basic outline of what I'd like my personal life to look like and that may scare people but that's just me as a person!
My last point is that I have an addiction to my phone and the internet in general, which is awful, I know, but social media has been very kind to me and has given me confidence in things (writing and my appearance) through the people I've followed. I've also met some wonderful people through social media who are very important to me.
Thank you all so much for reading (if you've reached this point, well done, I'll give you a prize!). i wrote the vast majority of this at midnight so some of it sounds a bit weird! I hope you have a wonderful day
Lots of Love
Ebonydaylightt x x x x
Insta: @ebonydaylightt
